It has come to my attention that the cat has been talking shit about me and I feel like I should speak up for myself.
First of all, I don’t lie on the couch. I’m not a lier. And what’s a couch? I don’t even know what that means. Cat’s don’t make no sense!
So now that that’s cleared up I think I’ll chew the back of my leg for a while.
That’s better.
I actually don’t have a problem with other cats. They’re pretty small and they only get annoying when you try to play with them and OUT COME THE CLAWS.
But you know who’s better? DOGS!
Dogs are so cool, when I see one taking a human for a walk I just lose my shit! I’m all, “DUDE! DUDE! HEY! IN HERE! CAN YOU HEAR ME? LET’S HANG! YOU CAN SNIFF MY BUTT!”
But the most awesomest is the humans. They’re so great. They pet me and let me walk them around town and give me treats and play fetch with me and they even pick up my shit sometimes!
I hate it when they give me a bath, but I love how good I feel when they give me a bath.
Bones are really fun to chew on.
So in closing, Mortimer is a jerk.
Max the dog
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