Blog Post from my cat 11/9/13

Today I had one of the best naps I can remember. I was so knocked out, man. At one point I thought I was awake for a second, but it was just a dream.

I wouldn’t have woken up when I did if I hadn’t farted. That shit was nasty. You know the kind of fart that you can feel it burn all the way down your nostrils and it feels like someone just tweaked your whiskers? Yeah. It was like that. I almost hacked up a hairball.

I don’t know why I’ve been farting so much lately, but Jesus Fish it’s haunting! It lingers like a tom’s spray when you’re in heat and he knows it. Ah...those were the days.

I hope I can get some more of that ham the big human guy was eating. That shit is awesome.

So where was I?...Oh yeah. I woke up from my nap.

In the afternoon I took another nap. That was nice. I curled up on a pillow on the big bed.

That’s right, I said it! I’m not afraid to admit it. I don’t give a fuck who knows either! I’m a cat. I could really give a shit.

I’m not trying to hide it like that stupid dog does when he’s been on the couch. As if the couch doesn’t reek of dumb dog after he’s been lying there all day. ...numb nuts. He’s fucking delusional.

He’s also dumber than a litter box full of clumps. When he gets out of the yard and wanders off, he’s too stupid to find his way home. What a fuck tard.

Well, it’s about time for me to go take a nap.

Peace out.

Mortimer the cat

Oh yeah, one more thing: Other cats suck!