Potholes

When the potholes get bad enough, repairs must be done.

That's when the city sends out teams to fill them in, one by one. The road becomes transformed from a minefield of potentially damaging pits into an annoying patchwork of asphalt bumps and dips.

The colder and harsher the winter becomes, the more often this becomes necessary. The patches don't hold long and new cracks, crevices and craters appear and multiply as the cold, sleet, snow and freezing rain permeate the asphalt and rip apart the aggregates and the unyielding road, built to withstand thousands of tons of vehicles daily, crumbles into dust.

Like fear to the soul, under an unrelenting bombardment of what ifs and predictions, conspiracies and threats, guilt and trepidation. It sinks into the cracks and crumbles our optimism, hope and faith.

But we humans are resilient and adaptable. We can weather the most frightening of circumstances and often come out even stronger for it on the other side. If we're wise we can grow and become more than we were by learning lessons from that which nearly broke us.

But sometimes the road just needs to be completely re-paved.

It has been a long, hard winter.

2017 in Review

Hi! How are you doing?

How has life been treating you?

Have you had a chance to sit down and think about it lately?

When you keep as busy as you do, that’s not always easy to do. I know. I’m right there with you.

The distractions are constant. The distractions are everywhere. To be real, we kinda like the distractions. Thinking about our own situations can be … well, less than fun.

Most of us don’t even realize we’re addicted to the distractions. We fill every moment with work, conversations, texts, checking up on social media … anything to keep from sitting still and thinking for a moment about important questions like, am I taking care of myself as well as I should?

Yeah, I don’t blame you. Stress comes with the emotions stirred up by those types of questions. Life seems to be zooming by us and when we keep ourselves constantly distracted it’s like stepping on the accelerator.

Another year has passed. Wow. Where did it go?

Sure, I can take a minute to reflect on that to help you avoid thinking about your own year:

2017 was a bitch. Filled with lots of unexpected blessings mind you, but filled with change … and change is often painful.

I started the year out at a job I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy (litte secret: I don’t really have any enemies … no room in my heart for hate anymore. I outgrew that.). I’ll discuss that more in August when my gag order is lifted…

Long story made very, very short … I lost the job, or the job lost me … the transition was tough, but eventually I got the kind of job I’ve wanted for years. So THAT part is all good.

But the blessings come during the tough times. When things are dark and you feel like the world has cast you aside, no longer seeing any worth in you, and your best efforts keep leading to dead ends … that is a great opportunity for perspective.

I met countless wonderful people while driving for Uber and Lyft to fill the gap. What a wonderful re-affirmation of the human spirit to learn that the vast majority of people are kind and friendly … and encouraging! There were many people who struck up very open and personal conversations and connected on a level I never expected possible from a total stranger.

They were going through drama, trials, pain, loss in their own lives and needed that kind of connection as much as I did. We would offer each other empathy and well wishes before parting ways forever.

There was a woman living in a shelter who was trying desperately to secure an apartment so she could be reunited with her children. There was a young guy who was on his way to see his estranged wife to try to work out their problems so he could be with his three young daughters again. One night I picked up a retired man from a bar that had closed late on a Wednesday night who told me to take him to any bar that’s still open. His wife was gone and they had no children and he just wanted to be anywhere but home. Although nothing was open that late on a Wednesday night I drove him around for another hour having a lovely conversation.

So I guess I’ll offer this little piece of advice here in the Christmas season, as 2017 is winding down … just be kind. That’s really all most people need. Take your nose out of your screen now and again and offer a kind word to someone … to anyone. It’s well worth a break from the distractions.

Okay, I Get It

Lately I’ve been compelled to write something updating my take on the current state of state affairs as my perspective is a little better informed with the benefit of hindsight.

That’s not to say I’ve changed my values, but I do want to backpedal a little bit in regards to the shaming I’ve done toward supporters of Trump.

Okay, I get it. That’s what I really want to say.

I understand why you voted for him. I really do. I don’t mean that in a sarcastic or snarky way.

First of all, what other choice did you have? Right?

The democrats gave us one of the worst candidates in history.

That is to say, the party made the decision FOR US that Hillary was the candidate we wanted. A person who embodies everything that is wrong with this corrupt system and a promise to keep business as usual and the usual just isn’t acceptable anymore.

I GET IT!

I didn’t vote for her either. My conscience wouldn’t allow me to do so and I have never forgiven her or any other member of the congress of 2003 that voted to give W a blank check to invade Iraq.

This guy comes in, funding his own campaign and promising change, deriding all the Washington politicians including those in his own party, appealing to the frustrated masses with a “you have every right to be outraged” rhetoric, and turning the whole election process into a circus, flipping the whole system on its head. What’s not to like?

Well, that’s the part that scares so many people. Endorsements from the KKK, talks of discriminating against people of certain religions, special task forces being formed to round up undesirables, … the list of reasons he scares people goes on and on. If you’ve ever read a history book this stuff should scare you.

But let’s give him the benefit of doubt. What if his motivations are altruistic? What if he is trying to correct an imbalance of power from within? What if he’s not a puppet of Vladimir Putin?

If so, then great! Good luck with that, but you have to admit, things are not going well for Trump. The republicans have never been so incapable to accomplish their agenda points with a majority in the house and senate. I mean, they look like the democrats who are always too disjointed and wishy-washy to get anything done.

So I guess what I want to say is, if Trump can “drain the swamp” as he put it, and somehow turn the government toward the will of the people and away from the corruption of power, maybe he can make America great again.

Then again simian flight may emerge from his rectal cavity.

I just don’t buy it. I wish I could, but I just can’t. It’s a matter of someone telling you what you want to hear. Basically … it’s called being a politician. Let’s not pretend that he’s not taking advantage of an opportunity to make himself much richer in the process as well of course.

My point is I don’t blame any of you. Your gloating was disgusting, but the circus has been entertaining albeit unnerving and downright frightening at times.

And what I take away from this whole experience is this: Those who were in power before are still in power now. Just like Obama’s promise to close Guantanamo Bay on his first day in office, there are certain campaign promises the REAL bosses won’t let you fulfill. We are seeing this play out again under Trump.

Anything that divides us and creates anger and unrest is allowed, such as building a wall or deporting aliens. That division serves as a great distraction while important things like addressing corruption just seems to evaporate.

We just keep watching the circus and sharing memes on social media. If you want some cognitive dissonance to make you feel better you have the option to watch Fox News and they’ll tell you just what you want to hear no matter how far it is from the facts.

As for the "liberal media" … that’s a word made up by people like Rush Limbaugh and Bill O’reilly to apply to ALL mainstream media and that’s just a load of crap. There are some extremely left-wing media sources, but there are still a lot of real journalists out there trying to get to the bottom of the story and give us the facts. Fox News is not doing that. They are out to support the Trump administration no matter how wrong it goes. That’s called propaganda.

That’s fine because it’s just entertainment. In fact, the whole system is just entertainment. We don’t really have a choice when it comes to our electoral process and that’s what has become clearest in this haze of circus smoke and mirrors. There are those who are running the show and then there are the rest of us pretending that we all have an equal voice and that we will be heard. Sadly, it’s just not true.

Don’t believe me? Where is Bernie?

Indivisible? Apparently Not

Okay, it has been a while since I last wrote anything and a long time since I wrote consistently. I grew tired of my own “voice” and the feeling that I was preaching to the choir and that perhaps even the choir wasn’t listening anymore.

In a country that failed to properly recognize the importance of unbiased journalism and the difference between that and editorial commentary, I felt there was already too much noise. Everyone was just screaming at their own choir and nobody was listening, but now I can’t help feel at least a tiny bit guilty for shirking my responsibility as a writer and as a citizen. After all we all have our own part to play in this life, however small and insignificant it might seem.

There are a lot of people waking up to the fact that we are all connected in this way, while at the same time many have been lulled into a dark nightmare of fear and hatred. As our country descends into a dark age at best, and perhaps the end times at worst, I cannot be silent any longer.

Let me lay it out for you as I see it:

The real problem with the U.S. government is that for the past 50 years or so it has been increasingly owned and controlled by wealthy interests. I don’t see the point in listing the major offenders here. If you don’t have a clue what I’m talking about you really shouldn’t be voting or engaged in the process at all until you educate yourself.

Most of us have become disillusioned with our notion of a truly representative government because we’ve seen how the agenda is always set by the largest campaign contributors and no regard is given to the wishes of the citizenry. No regard is given anymore to the health and well being of the citizenry as well. No regard is given to the vanishing middle class and the burdens of a corporatocracy exploiting working class people who already know the american dream is dead.

The final death nail came from the Supreme Court decision “Citizens United” in which corporations were granted the ability to freely and without limit corrupt politicians in every race. At this point we were completely cut out of the process.

I want to think that most people understand that’s why life has continued to get more difficult. Unfortunately, most Americans don’t pay close enough attention to what’s going on.

So medical care is unaffordable to anyone except the wealthy, necessitating expensive health insurance which lead to a corporate-friendly solution that mandated everyone purchase this expensive coverage. Wages have been successfully held down for 30 years while inflation continues to grow. College for a working-class family will incur crushing debt for young people.

Why was this allowed to happen? Can it be more obvious?

So what is the solution? Leaders with the courage and conviction to take on the REAL powers that be and do what’s right for their constituents? Of course, but they seem hard to come by.

So the stage was set for a strong man to come in and fix everything … and/or a con man. Using this frustration and some good old strawman fear mongering he manipulated those who didn’t care that he was a disgusting human being into voting for him. This is where dictatorships come from.

So we elected a fascist who has come in and begun dismantling the U.S. government from the inside, walling us in under the guise of protecting us from foreigners, reinstating a policy of torture and creating new agencies tasked with rounding up large numbers of undesirables.

What the fuck were you thinking America? Where do you think this is going to lead? More freedom? Less government intrusion?

He’s a billionaire businessman. You gave the chicken coop to the fox. Instead of a corrupt politician you elected the piece of shit who corrupts politicians.

I hate to be the one to explain this, but very dark times are ahead. I’m not clairvoyant (as far as I know), but it’s pretty obvious that all it will take is one big terrorist attack, provocation by an unfriendly nation (the list will be growing quickly), or simply a “false flag” attack and you will all lose anything that remains of your rights and freedoms.

At best you can expect corporate america to bend you over and fuck you harder and deeper than ever before and on the other side of this administration there will be very little left of what was once a great democratic republic.

I don’t just disagree with your political opinions if you voted for this monster. I disagreed with you when you elected Bush, but I respected your opinion. This is different. You chose fascism over democracy. I do not respect that choice.

I’m frightened for my family and friends, but as a vet who once believed in the promise of this country and its constitution when I was a wide-eyed naive young man, my heart is broken over the death of what was once great.

Winter Music Memory

The snow pelted his face, stinging his cheeks and nose as he tromped on through the knee-deep drifts looking for tire ruts on the covered road. The wind gave no consideration to the discomfort it brought him and he likewise, gave it no thought.

His attention was dominated by Judas Priest in his headphones tucked under his wool cap. The duelling guitars brought him all the comfort he needed on this winter trek. It permeated his heart and filled him with a sense of companionship he had never felt with any friend.

His music was his friend. A friend he had such love for this arduous journey seemed like beautiful one-on-one time he could give himself to fully, almost like a guilty pleasure. There were no parents, no sisters, no telephones or other distractions. Just the driving wind and eight inches of snow to plod through.

A smile warmed his face as he realized he was the only person experiencing this moment … lucky bastard.

Suddenly there was a pickup truck next to him. He hadn’t heard it over the chords of “Rock Hard Ride Free” and it gave him a bit of a startle.

An old man had rolled his window down and was saying something to him he couldn’t hear. He pulled off the walkman headset.

“Do you need a ride?” the man repeated.

“No thanks,” Greg smiled.

The old man looked at him incredulously. “Are you sure?” he asked.

“Yah, I’m fine.” Greg pulled the headphones back on and plodded on. The old man drove on shaking his head.

Greg had to laugh to himself at the thought of leaving this perfect moment. There is no way a ride in a truck with that old man and his conversation would ever hold a candle to what he already had.

Besides, where was he going? He didn’t know. He didn’t care. Right now all he could hope for was that this walk went on forever.

Drawing the line on Facebook

A couple of years ago I decided I was tired of every political comment on Facebook turning into an ugly and heated exchange of entrenched (and usually prescribed) ideologies, and quickly devolving into childish name-calling and personal insults.

It was obvious to me that most people don’t really think through the beliefs they choose to align themselves with, but what was worse was realizing how the social medium was being used to divide us and sever whatever connections we might have had with each other. In many (if not most) cases with Facebook relationships, these are people we knew long ago in school or in the military, in college or perhaps an old job. They are people we otherwise didn’t bother maintaining contact with simply because life tends to lead us away from each other as we pursue our own paths. We wish no ill will toward them, but didn’t feel close enough to preserve a level of contact with the person other than fond memories and well wishing.

That was exactly the thing I loved about Facebook. The ability to reconnect with people I truly thought I would never see again.

I had no illusions that they would all share my political views. In fact, in the little town I come from, I knew that 99 percent of them had radically different political and religious views from me. I was always able to get along with many of them however. Those who accepted the fact that I had my own views anyway.

Technology has drastically changed the way we interact socially however, and we humans have not evolved quickly enough yet to maintain the same level of civility that we would have in a face-to-face conversation.

I’m reminded of a scene in the film Biloxi Blues, a semi-autobiographical story by Neil Simon. While in Army basic training he was constantly journaling and when someone grabbed his journal and started sharing what he was saying about his other platoon members they became outraged, leaving him with the realization that by simply putting something in writing you give it much more power than it would have if simply spoken.

When political memes are shared on Facebook, the intention is to get a “damn right!” validation from like minded people, but it’s also to irritate those who disagree. And if you disagree, the least productive thing you can do is engage with your argument to the contrary, because your disagreement is in writing. Not only that, it is being expressed to all of the poster’s friends and family. That makes it a challenge to ideology and if written with a condescending tone, is a public slap in the face to which response is necessary in order for them to save face.

At this point, good luck maintaining any civility. Feelings have been hurt and someone’s ideology and intelligence have been questioned publicly, and of course things quickly spiral out of control. Friends become un-friended and like-minded people entrench themselves further in their views, limiting their ability to listen to differing opinions and engage in real give and take conversations.

This is why I withdrew from political discussions on Facebook and I don’t regret it at all.

That said, I still have a point of view and I still feel very passionate about certain things. I am pro-veteran and anti-war (the two go hand-in-hand in my mind). I believe in religious freedom for all, not just for Christians. I believe in equal rights for everyone, regardless of race, gender or sexual orientation. I believe the overwhelming evidence supporting global warming compiled over more than 40 years of research as opposed to the “I’m not convinced” answer from a handful of “scientists” who are on the payrolls of big oil moguls. I believe there is a point where someone has too much money, when millions are starving and dying and some have more money than they could ever need or ever spend but greedily hoard it and grab more and more to throw on the pile. I believe that the Republican party and the Democratic party answer to the same bosses; the billionaires who fund both campaigns, purchasing influence so that only their agenda gets pursued. I believe the rest of us no longer have a role in our government and arguing left vs. right is not only missing the point, but a foolish participation in a distraction from the reality of the plutocracy we are living in. That’s right, I called you a fool. If you’re still arguing Reps vs. Dems and conservative vs. liberal, you’re a sucker. It just isn’t about that anymore. So as I said, I have no regrets about cutting out the political discussion on Facebook. I want Facebook to be a place where I maintain friendly relationships with everyone regardless of differing opinions. I don’t hate anyone for having a different opinion. I believe everyone is entitled to their own, and everyone walks their own path in life and has their own reasons for what they believe. I get it. I don’t however, want to continue in silence. I have to express myself. I’m a creative person. It’s what I do, and I’ve been silent too long.

Facebook is for friendly chit chat. This will be my forum for real discussion.

23

December 23, 1991 was a pivotal day in my life. It was the day I left Puerto Rico and the U.S. Army for a new life.

That was 23 years ago, and I was 23 years old. It was half my life ago, almost to the day.

I never asked myself, ‘Greg, where do you see yourself when you’re twice as old?’ I never gave much thought to the future. By many accounts, not nearly enough.

I don’t think I could have imagined the life I have now at that time. I also find it hard to remember who that 23-year-old was or where the hell his head was at.

It seems so long ago now, it’s like another lifetime. All of the journeys I’ve encountered since then, all of the friendships, all the hardships, all of the painful lessons as well as the eye-opening discoveries, all of the roads travelled and the paths hiked, all of the songs sung and stories written, all of the beers brewed and beers consumed, the laughter, the tears, the resentment and the forgiveness, between now and then. I am not the same man.

I have the best job in the world now. I’m a father of two of the best people to ever walk this planet. That’s really what I do. Everything else is in support of that endeavor and nothing else is more important to me.

I had some really dark days following the aforementioned date. I had some really dark months actually, and had I been able to somehow receive advice from my 46-year-old self, I don’t really know what I’d have done differently. I mean, there were some stupid decisions I would like to take back, but those turned out to be merely temporary (although sometimes excruciatingly protracted) distractions from the bigger arc of my life which led me to where I am now.

Today we were forced to say goodbye to Mortimer, our cat. Mortimer was a female cat who was named while assumed to be a tom only later giving birth to a litter of five. She came into our lives roughly around 1995 and was with Penny and I since 1997.

When you’ve had a pet for such a long time, you can’t help but reflect when it passes. Mortimer lived with me for the vast majority of that 23 years since the Army days, so there are a lot of memories. Not that a cat can do many interesting, memorable things, but she was a member of the family long before it became a family. She has been there all along. And now she’s gone.

And it’s exactly 23 years later, and I’m finding myself posing the question ‘Greg, where do you see yourself in another 23 years?’

Well, I’ll be 69 … (chuckle). I’ll hopefully be retired and surrounded by family. I’ll hopefully be wiser still. Who knows, maybe I’ll have another cat.